Great Morning

So...I went in to get my glucose test done today. That was joyous. Let me tell you how it went.

I got up, made Eldon lunch and forced myself to maintain my 12-hour fast when all my pregnant self wanted in life was a piece of toast. I called the BYU Health Center and asked if they did the kind of test I needed that morning and they said they did. So I went out to the car, scraped off all the ice on my windows, and drove over. I waited for a few minutes in the lab and then they called my little name and I went over to the front desk. They did these two tests, the guy showed me on my chart, but not that one, pointing to the Rogam (however you spell it) test.

Note: for those of you who have never had a baby or who have never had to worry about this test because you have positive blood, let me tell you how it works. I have O- blood, so if Eldon has A+, B+, or O+ I have to be given a shot that makes me (and future babies) safe from the attack of antibodies who would see any positive-blooded babies as a threat and try to kill it. A Rogam shot would keep me and future babies safe from that attack. But again, the threat is only there if Eldon has positive blood.

So, I decided that for the sake of only being stuck with a needle once, I'd go to the hospital where they can get all the blood they need for every test I needed done in one shot. So I get there (eventually) through Provo traffic that is enough to make a mild-tempered woman like me want to swear and gesture. Really. It's crazy and ridiculous. I park the car, walk a million miles to the information desk to ask where the lab is (while said walking made my tummy cramp up ... not my favorite thing) and the lady with the badly applied eye shadow tells me I have to go to "the new building" which is several hundred meters away. Blankity blank blank blank! So, I smile and internally curse her as I make the journey BACK to my car by means of a much more careful and slower-paced gait. I get in the car, put it in reverse, and I'm suddenly blinded by a ray of sunlight that is coming from a small UNNECESSARY slit in the parking garage wall and I back into a big, Provo-huge red truck with a double cab and an extended cab that is parked on the opposite side of the aisle.

At this point I'm momentarily humbled, and bad thoughts cease while I realize I've been irrational and my anger and frustration has probably landed me a big chunk of change to fix our car and possibly the big red one. I park again, get out to check, and after assessing that there was no damage done (aside from the fact that I had to knee one of our panels in the back into alignment again), my rage flared up again. Rolling my eyes in instant irritation I got back into the car without leaving a note for the other driver, and attempt to find the bleeping "new building" I never knew about.

I did find it, thanks to Ms. Eyeshadow's condescending directions, and quickly got myself signed in. My fast was only a food fast, so I was allowed to drink water ... which was helpful in warding off the nausea that comes from not feeding my pregnant self every two hours or so. I've never felt like such a slave to my body before. It's really weird. Usually my spirit can throw her weight around and intimidate my body into submission, but not in pregnancy. I'm having a hard time getting used to that. Anyway, because of above-mentioned water consumption I had to go to the bathroom STAT (which, I admit, may have contributed to the cranky factor). While I was there I dropped my water bottle which broke on the floor and gushed everywhere. That ticked me off. That was my favorite bottle. You know those slim "Smart Water" ones? Yeah. I loved that thing. So I washed my hands, cursing the little hand sensor thing that was supposed to dispense paper towel at my command and wasn't going fast enough for my needs. I made it out of the bathroom and into an uncomfortable chair from which my feet did not comfortably reach the bleeping ground. Big plus. I read a few pages of my book when my little buzzer went off telling me one of the nurses was ready to attend to me at Station 3. Okay. Moving to Station 3. Op, nope, Station 2. Morons. So I sit down, give the lady my Doctor's order, and answer all her questions as nicely as I could. "Do you still work at Media Learner?" she asked, innocently. "Oh, no, I don't." I replied, but thanks for bringing it up. She handed me the sugary juice I was supposed to drink in the next five minutes. "Oh, and the cap is loose, so don't shake it." Good thing you told me, Terry (oh, that was her name), or I would have for sure given that thing a good shake. Honestly. I returned to my seat of discomfort, sipping my juice as quickly as I could while trying not to think about how nauseated it was making me. Five minutes is not a lot of time to down 10 ounces of really sugary orange soda stuff after a 14-hour fast. (It was supposed to be 12 hours, but after all the delays it was quickly becoming longer.)

Somehow, dear Reader, I managed to keep that stuff down. And in an hour they called my name, pinched my arm with that tourniquet thing, stuck me and took exactly three vials of blood. I tried to be all nice and friendly, asking the nurse about her twin daughters who she had pictures of hanging from her neck. Quite the metaphor. She told me sometimes she'd like to just ship them off and not deal with them. Okay. Sorry I asked. Don't take your frustration out on your eyeliner tomorrow ... that much black is not flattering. Oh, you have a great day too. Thanks for the huge blue bruise on my arm.

Turns out, Eldon needed to have his blood taken because they wouldn't take my word that he was A-. Poor thing. He was NOT a happy camper. I think needles are his absolute biggest fear. That and a depleted bank account. :) When I got home from the hospital I ate and went immediately to bed. Eldon was on campus taking a test, but as soon as he got home we went to the BYU Health Center and got his blood work done. He got an A on his test, by the way. :) After much bravery and just slightly panicked breathing he was done, the blood was taken, and we were free to go. Well, after we sat there for a while so he wouldn't pass out on the way to the car. Then we were free to go. So we drove home to the sounds of me attempting to congratulate him on doing something he hated and the quiet of him not being willing to talk about it. It was kind of funny ... but only to me. :)

A few hours later I got a call from the nurse who wouldn't believe me when I told her Eldon's blood type was A- to confirm that the test results were back and sure enough he was A-. Go figure. Good thing Eldon didn't answer the phone. :) All 10 kids in his family have the same blood type, and that somehow made her suspicious that I was misinformed. Poor Eldon. And his wife. :)

So, all in all, it was a pretty lousy day. But it's over, and looking back it's kind of entertaining in its own way. Oh and don't worry, I've cleaned up my mental language since then too so I'm not going straight to the devil.

P.S. I made the mistake of asking Eldon how to spell tourniquet. I'm not allowed to ever ask him that again. :) We might have to rethink med school.