Happy birthday, Eldon!

My husband is 24 today. What was I doing when I turned 24? I was single at BYU, enduring some less-than-stellar required classes and hoping to find my One And Only soon. I'd met Eldon, but I don't think we'd had enough of a conversation for me to be interested in him yet. He was just the kid who sat next to me and wore dress clothes to class every day (he had a ballroom dance class right before Italian class). Oh, how things change.

We went to Children of Eden this afternoon for our date segment of the birthday. That is such a fantastic show. BYU always does well with musicals, but I was floored by the talent in this one. I wanted to be Eve from the moment I heard her first note. My gosh. It made me miss performing so much I almost cried. Well, I did cry, but it was due to what I was learning and feeling during the show. There was a roundtable after the performance for people to ask questions to the producers / directors about thematic interpretations and content. Eldon leaned over to me and said, "That's for the uppity Mormons who had problems with the false doctrine." Yes, there will always be those. I thought it was great. Another interpretaion of Bible stories just teaches me more in principle, it doesn't threaten what I already know in my heart to be true. Good for BYU for doing the show knowing there would be objection, and then offering an outlet for that frustration to be satisfied.

My favorite part of the show was watching Eldon's face in the dim lighting as he took in the performances. When a soloist was particularly good I looked over at him just to see his smile. When he 18 he played the part of God at a junior college production of Children of Eden. Lots of people don't know that Eldon was offered a full-ride scholarship to study vocal performance at Northern Arizona University, which has the best music program in the state by far. But he made the decision to leave his passion for music behind and pursue a secular career. As I watched him today, though,  I could see how much he misses it. I'll always appreciate the sacrifice he made to offer his future family the kind of security and lifestyle atmosphere he wanted us to have. It's a hard thing to give up such a huge part of your heart. Now he sings lullabies to Chiara ... and sometimes I listen to him from the next room with tears in my eyes. Last year we went to Aida. Going to a musical on his birthday will be a yearly tradition.

(After nearly 30 minutes of trying to edit the picture so it looks like we're the same distance from the camera and I'm not a big white snow beast I give up. I don't know how to do it. Grr.)

It has been a good day. I love you, Honey, and I love being your wife. You have used the last 24 years to become a truly magnificent person. I'm so honored to get to share your journey with you. You have my heart.

Peace and Blessings

Don't watch it if you're going to judge me.

But if you promise to still love me you can watch it. :)

Comfort food

For the love. I've been dragging my spirit on the ground behind me for a week, and I broke down tonight and made myself a lemon tart. I plan on consuming the entire thing before church tomorrow.

There is something poisonous about self pity. I always knew that, but I've never been so sorely tempted by it than recently. I feel like I'm surrounded by other people's sob stories. And rather than be compassionate and kind about it I roll my internal eyes and think, "I'll raise you a night shift and a teething child." That is not the kind of woman I want to be. But it's the kind self pity has made me.

I love the story of Sarai. She was barren for so long, and in a moment of heartbreaking selflessness gave Abram a chance to have a son. But soon that act of selflessness became a burden greater than she thought she could bear. I can relate with that. I often repent my good deeds after the spirit that moved me to such action is drowned out again by my own weakness. What gives me hope is that a few pages and a few mistakes later she becomes Sarah, a woman worthy of emulation, joint-recipient of the covenant of Abraham. Sarai was always Sarah ... The Lord just had to prove it to her first.

So here I am, in a less-than-ideal season of my character. But I have every confidence that if I keep moving my feet toward my Savior He will rescue my heart from the hold of its own weakness. In the meantime, I'm going to eat my lemon tart.