A tribute to a few of my beloveds ...

I have to take a moment during this exceptionally long nap time to offer tribute to some very important people in my life. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with gratitude, and when that happens I tend to overflow with words.

Eldon -- The most temperate man I have ever known. I said for years I wanted to marry the best heart I could find, and I truly believe I managed it. He is wholly without guile and anxious to make my dreams come true. He has worked a hard job for the last year, rarely making the money he was promised, and has done it with gracious and understated diligence. In fact, he does most things with gracious and understated diligence. I am completely in love with him.

Chiara -- My little mirror. She constantly asks me if I'm happy, especially when I'm not particularly happy, and pats my arm and asks, "Okay? Okay, Mamma?" She is a testament to me that children truly do come here with their own built-in personalities, because I don't know how any mother could teach that kind of sensitivity to a 27-month-old. She tries to hard to please, and I've found that her tantrums are spurred by my own negative reactions to her behavior or choices. When I'm nice, she's nice.

Baby #2 -- I don't know what to say about her, except that she has awakened in me that assurance of the divinity of my body and the long-reaching effects of my choices. Pregnancy is a spiritual time for me, despite the undesirable side-effects and sickness. I love her, and I know God loves her. I can't wait to meet her.

My mom -- For so many, many things. She taught me to be a considerate wife. She taught me that it is possible to be completely fulfilled and in love with my children. She taught me to laugh at myself, and to offer my shoulder to those who may need to cry on it. She taught me to give, and to look to God in every thought. All things denote there is a God, and my mom sees those things in a truly heart-piercing way. And she's really, really funny. :)

My mother-in-law -- She somehow managed to raise 10 of the most stalwart people I know. I can always tell when Eldon is on the phone with her because his voice takes on a kind of reverent tone. She inspires people who know her well to be their best selves. She's always learning, always teaching. I hope to become more like her someday.

My dad -- The great champion of children. There's no end to his heart. Chiara and Everett are in there, along with every child and teenager and adult he's ever taught. He holds people in there and loves them to pieces. When I was on my mission someone saw my last name and rushed up to ask if I was, perhaps, his daughter. Yes, I was so pleased to report. I don't think he can ever know the amount of good he and that heart of his have done in this world.

My father-in-law -- Ooh, I just got teary for the first time during this post. This man is the reason Eldon is who he is. When I see him I recognize some of my very favorite things about my husband. This is where he learned to help me with dishes as soon as he walks in from work. This is where he learned to be gentle and careful with his words. This is where he learned to be honest and sincere and ... full of real intent. He has a special place in my heart forever and ever.

Bryce -- Ooh, tears are back ... they're running down my face. My goodness. He has been a dear friend and example my entire life. He has never disappointed me. I wept when he got married because I realized we were both going to have to grow up and cling to our respective spouses, which meant there would most likely be no more chats in my bedroom about books and poetry and gospel doctrine. (Are you embarrassed that I outed you about that, Bruce? :)) He is the most powerful man I know, and I don't say that lightly. There is something so unique, so special about him ... I love that I have a front row seat to watch who he becomes and what the Lord does with his life.

Haley -- Is sweet. She's talented and intelligent and grounded and responsible ... but my favorite attribute is her sweetness. I've never seen her angry, and I've never heard her say anything unkind. Bryce has to constantly watch out for her because she won't voice her own discomfort or her own needs if she thinks it's even the slightest inconvenience to anyone present. I wish I were more like her in numberless ways. She's a darling wife and a sweet (redundant, but it's the perfect adjective) mother, and she has a kind of selflessness that allows her to read people and their needs with marked insight.

Kevin -- Oh, but I love this kid. Kevin has unparalleled self-control. He knows what he wants, he knows what he believes, and his whole life is built in and around those things. People are drawn to him because of his natural ease and infectious enthusiasm. He's your loudest cheerleader and also your most honest friend who can lovingly tell you that you're being stupid and you need to stop. I have never seen such a life full of successes and achievement. And it's not just that he's smart. Lots of people are smart. It's that he's nice. I think he blows the world away by how nice he is.

Rachel -- She makes Kevin so happy, and seems to be his perfect companion. I think Rachel has a daily love affair with life and living. She's creative and fun-spirited, so her days are full of inventive, darling ways to appreciate her moments and live them to the very fullest. I admire her in so many ways. I don't think she has an interest she is not passionate about. Everything she likes is written in bold-faced type and she actively pursues it. That may sound like a dumb way to describe someone, but I think it's my favorite thing about her. She is not passive about what matters to her, and that is a remarkable quality.

Shauna -- The darling of all our hearts. I think if you were to ask each of us who we'd take on a trip with us, if we could only bring one sibling, we'd all want Shauna. She refers to herself as the ninth wheel, but it's only because she's too modest to know she's really the highlight of everything. She has a capacity for loyalty that astounds me. When I went through my darkest hours (um, like a year+ of them) she never left me. She never let me run my course alone, hoping that by the next time she saw me I'd be Shelli-ish again. She's fun and funny and makes us all cry tears of laughter, but she's so much more than that. Every time I see her I'm more and more amazed at the woman she is using her choices to become. She's incredible.

My grandma -- A constant source of unconditional love and support. Her consistent love was so helpful to me as I grew up. I admired her so much, and I knew she was crazy about me. She taught me to be tough, to do what I knew was right, and to do it the best I could. She wrote me a letter once, warning me that I might be making some less-than-stellar dating decisions. I'll never forget how loved that letter made me feel, and how hard it must have been for her to write it. She was right, of course, and I quickly got myself back on course. I broke up with that guy. I think I'd do anything she told me to do! :)

My Heavenly Father -- The light of my entire life. He has never failed me. There was a time when I'd felt heaven had all but abandoned me. I hardened my heart and depended on my own strength to get through each difficult day. My goodness, there was no clearer way for me to feel my own weakness, my own mortality, than to refuse His help. I know I'm nothing without Him. I've tried. He is everything that is good, and kind, and forgiving, and hopeful. Sometimes it's hard not to humanize Him, and imagine how He must think of me for a plethora of reasons, or in light of a plethora of mistakes. But God truly is love. When I imagine the most loving response, the most forgiving and gracious and selfless response, then I know I've come close to imagining His character correctly. I trust Him. I love Him. I need Him. He is everything. My grandest goal is to give Him my whole heart.

I'm just so grateful for this life of mine and all the dear, inspiring people in it. I'm truly, truly blessed.

Auden

This is Eldon's and my favorite girl name at present. I think it is lovely and feminine and sophisticated ... all the things you would hope your little girl to grow up to be.

However.

When I was on the phone not too long ago with my mom and little sister they laughed me to scorn for even CONSIDERING such an atrocious name.

"Auden? Like, Oddity, Odd-Ball, Oddest, Odder-Then-Them-All??"

There was no end to the jokes and threats to never call her Auden, no matter if it was her name or not.

"Kids at school are going to call her odd for her entire childhood, Shell, you have to think about that!"

"Odd. Odder. Oddest!!"

"Shell, I will give you $1000 if you don't name her that."

So, since that conversation I've been wondering ... Am I that misguided that I didn't realize it was such an awful name, or are the two most beloved women in my life just ... yucky? :)

It's strange to announce name preferences so early, but by this time we were already calling Chiara Chiara ... And I know people guard their names so no one else takes them. But I'm not convinced this single post will broadcast my preference to the entire world.

I'd just like to send this query out into the void:

What do you think of the name Auden?

P.S. My mother and sister are wonderful people. Don't judge them too harshly for their lack of sugar coating their commentary. It's just how we do things in our family. :)

182 / minute

That's the heart rate of our newest little one.

"Do you want to hear the heart beat?" the doctor asked me, smiling.

"Yes, please!" I practically jumped from the table.

Eldon stroked my face as he held Chiara, and the three of us listened as the doctor found the steady sound of our baby's heart. That is a moment I will never forget.

So, Baby's due date is January 7th. Eldon is convinced that she's a girl, so we haven't thought about boy names at all. We went on a date to Barnes & Noble last week and sat in the cafe with a dozen baby name books sprawled out on our table. For two hours we wrote down our favorites and laughed at the terribly unfortunate things people call their children. It was so fun. I know it's so dorky, but we loved it.

I'm so in love with this man.

We have seven girl names we both love. There are only four boy names I'm in love with, but Eldon has an aversion to my very favorite one. Namely because it's in the Star Wars movie and he won't be able to refrain from reminding our child that "I am your father."

Have I ever documented the fact that Eldon and Chiara play light-sabers together? She even makes the sounds with her mouth. It's so hilarious ... in a totally nerdy and unacceptable kind of way. Star Wars is like a little cloud hovering over my life. :)

Anyway, we're so excited about our baby. Chiara is SO ready to have a sibling. The nurse yesterday joked about this new baby being Chiara's competition, but I just smiled.

"No way," I said. "This is going to be her baby."

If there's anything I learned from my own mother it's that siblings are treasures and not competition. We'll see if I manage to teach the same lesson in my own home.

Chiara is so smitten with every baby she sees, I sometimes wonder if I'll ever get to hold this child. :) She'll be almost three years old when Baby is born, so I imagine she'll be a good little helper.

You know ... I just, I don't know how to articulate what I'm feeling right now. Probably because Chiara is throwing a little tantrum in her room where I just got up to put her in a time out because she was yelling at me and it makes it a little difficult to conger up the warm fuzzies I was feeling just a few seconds ago. :) I just know that God is real. I know He loves my family. And I am so grateful that it's my responsibility to take care of Eldon, Chiara, and our newest every day. It's hard work, but it's heavenly. Not heavenly as in blissful, but heavenly as in godly. Important. Our home is made up of all the love in my heart, and I'm happy to do it.

I think I'll go fetch Chiara from her room now. :)

What's that smell?

Eldon says I have an olfactory system that qualifies me for mutant status. It's true. I smell everything. Saturday night we were driving and I was telling him all about the book I'd just read (Sing You Home, Jodi Piccoult) and everything I thought about it when suddenly, mid-sentence, I stopped.

"Uggh, what's that SMELL??" I yelped, forgetting my previous train of thought.

"I don't smell anything, Honey." He responded. As usual.

"Are you serious? It smells like ... duck poop." I don't know. It just popped in there.

"Duck poop?" Now he's smiling at me, laughing on the inside. "How do you even know what that smells like?"

"Oh you know what I mean ... It's what I think duck poop would smell like."

"Aahhh." He says, still smiling, in that drawn out voice that means he thinks I'm crazy.

***

But really, the smelling thing is a problem. This morning Chiara had the nastiest diaper, filled with what I was certain was the tuna from yesterday's lunch. I almost threw up. Chiara actually thanked me for changing that one ... it's like she could smell it too. :)

(At her favorite park on a jumbo-sized xylophone.) 

Eldon and I fall asleep impersonating our child. Is that what other parents do? We laugh and talk to each other in her voice and throw fake tantrums and just delight in it. She has become a total Mamma's girl over the last couple weeks and it's so sad for both of us because we loved it when he was her favorite. Eldon loved it because he was the favorite, and I loved it because if I only got to see my baby for a couple hours a night I'd want to be the favorite too. It's like a consolation prize. But not anymore.

Last night Eldon (who sings like Josh Groban) tried to sing her a lullaby and she wouldn't have it.

"No noz, no noz*!!" She yelled, and waved her pointer finger at him.

He turned to me with a crestfallen expression.

"She just pointed her finger at me!" He pouted, devastated. "I never do that to her."

"I do." I said, trying to keep my laughter under control. It's so hilarious to me when she gets bossy. I mean, it's totally irritating for the most part, but there is that 2% funny factor ... like when she does it to Eldon and not me.

(A joy ride with cousin Drew in the power wheel a couple weeks ago.)

(* So, I hope this doesn't mean she is going to need speech therapy someday, but she says a lot of her words backward. Noz = song. Oosh = shoe. Weird, I know. In church yesterday when it was time to sing Chiara jumped up and yelled, "NOZ!!!!!" at the top of her little lungs. Eldon and I smiled exchanged one of those parental looks that say, "We are so going to miss this stage.")

Chiara has opinions about everything. She wants clips in her hair. Yellow on one side, pink on the other, and she can still tell you which side has which color that night before we take them out for bath time. She knows what dress she wants to wear to church. She knows which pens she wants to color with and which ones have to be removed from the table so she can create her masterpieces without distraction. She asks if we need refills on our water and rushes to the fridge to be the one who pushes the spout on the water dispenser. She pats my leg and asks me if I'm happy if I'm too quiet. She randomly announces that she's "happy now" ... as if to let me know that she hadn't been before that. She is confused by testimonies or talks at church when there are tears involved ... "Crying? Girl sad? Oh, happy now!" She'll think about a chore I've given her, like picking something up or taking something to her room, tilt her head, and then say, "OH ... okay!" 

(Of course she can't leave her doll behind ... even for swings.)

In short, she totally cracks us up. And there are so many, many things that, for the sake of the teen-aged girl she will be someday, I simply cannot mention in such a public forum. But she's hilarious.

She's in love with the movie Happy Feet. I have renewed it at the library a dozen times. She thinks penguins are the greatest animal God ever created, though when she shouts it out it definitely sounds more like an anatomy lesson than the word penguin ... if you know what I mean. The first time Eldon heard her say it the look on his face was priceless. I wished I'd filmed it. :) 

"Happy penguin!" (when he dances)

"Baby penguins!!" (when the eggs hatch)

"Lots of penguins!!!" (when the chicks are singing together)

"Mamma penguins!" (when the moms come back)

I wonder what our neighbors think. :) 

Oh, because it's been AFRICA hot and we've had every window open all day long. Bless the weather's heart for sending me some rain and cloud cover today. My heck in the whole world ... I hate being hot.

***

Today I was just drifting off to sleep after she'd been sleeping for about an hour when I woke up to a terrible sound. It was her pennies. She loves to play with pennies, so Eldon spent hours one time cleaning and bleaching a whole can of pennies for her to play with. Well, this morning she had insisted on putting all her pennies in her snow boot, and then she'd insisted on sleeping with that boot during her nap. I should have taken it off her bed after she fell asleep but I forgot. And the terrible noise that woke us both up was her pennies spilling off her bed, rushing against the wall on their way to the floor.

For the love. :)