"Excuse me," she innocently began. "I don't mean to interrupt, well, actually I do. (giggle at her own joke)"
Shauna and I both turn to look at her.
She looks at both of us and zeros in on Shauna.
"You are just beautiful. Really, I mean ... You're just so polished (that adjective was all hers, direct quote)."
"Thanks," Shauna says with her polite smile. Under the surface she's sending out what do you want vibes.
"Are you between the ages of 18 and 25?" the woman goes on. "I mean, I usually work with kids, but I can sponsor people up to 25 years old ... " Then Woman At Costco continued talking to Shauna about the agency and blah blah blah for like 3 minutes.
I'm with her at this point. Yeah, I think Shauna is all those adjectives and more. And, Woman At Costco, the best things about Shauna are her personality and the way she makes us laugh, and you don't even KNOW those things yet, so you'd be way luckier than you even THINK you are if she joined up with you.
Then she turned to me and in three seconds made me her enemy.
"Are you her mom?" she asked, smiling.
"Oh, no" I laughed, gritting my teeth. "She's my little sister."
"Oh, well, you never know." she says with that same I'm-so-funny laugh from before.
Actually, sometimes you DO know, or SHOULD know, and if you'd opened your heavily-makeup-ed eyes and took a glance in my direction you would have realized that this is one of those times.
Shauna is 7 and 1/2 years younger than me, Oh Reader. That's not even a decade. Not even in like, National GeoGRAphic do you see 7-year-old mothers. (Maybe you do and I just haven't.) Hello. You're such a moron. And I'm not talking to you anymore.
Fast forward.
We're three aisles down and I'm still ticked off. (How do you spell isles???? It keeps telling me I'm wrong, and I'm reliving my frustration as I type so this is no time for the little yellow highlighter to follow me around pecking and flapping. What-air.) *In my rantings I made the spell check some kind of bird. Interesting.
Shauna and I saw a woman we both LOVE from church and told her the story. Marianne laughed with us and said, "Shell, you should go up to her and say, I'm going to go home and eat an entire bag of peanut M&Ms and it's ALL YOUR FAULT!" Gosh we laughed about that.
I'm a little ashamed to admit how irritated I really was. But seriously. I know I'm not 19 anymore but a girl likes to feel like she doesn't already look like her mother less than 10 years out of high school. Plus I had my BABY in the cart, so what, I'm a GRANDMA now??
Aaaarg, I HATE that lady. (Hello again, my little yellow friend ... yes, I mean Aaaarg."
Hate is an exaggeration. It's more like I wish she'd never come to Costco, I hope no one signs up for her modeling extravaganza, it would be fantastic if her scale reads 10 pounds higher than the last time she looked.
I'm a bad bad person.
Who looks like she's 40, apparently.
Gosh dang.
It's ok Shelli, I asked if Eldon was older than his brother when they came and visited a few weeks ago... forgetting that I really already knew how old he was... it happens! But I got angry at the Woman at Costco just reading about it!! I'm sorry!
ReplyDeleteIt's aisle, with an "a" at the beginning. And I hate it when people nonchalantly assume insulting things about you. Like the time I was working at the library (I was 16) and a girl asked me if I was pregnant. Obviously, no. But I felt fat all night. And not TEN MINUTES LATER that same night I overheard a guy "whispering" "wow, she has a big nose". It was the worst night ever.
ReplyDeleteShelli this is bad...but kinda funny. I am sorry I was getting really irritated until I got to the part about your baby in the cart making you a grandmother. Then I lost it!
ReplyDeleteAnd this is exactly why you had to return to blogland. Thanks, Con...I mean Shell.....
Yay for a post! I told your mom I've been missing reading them. (By the way your mom is hilarious!! She had me cracking up in Delta. I mean I knew she was funny but this was a "whole nuva level") Anyway so sorry about the dumb lady. I always say I hate stupid people. Harsh I know. But she now fits right into that category. Just let it roll off your shoulders. She clearly is just plain stupid.
ReplyDeleteI was so glad that see you posted. Sorry to hear about that darn lady at Costco. Don't you just hate people like that? I do! I would have replied and said something smart to her too. You are beautiful and you are not old. I hope days go by better than that.
ReplyDeleteHow are you guys doing by the way? We miss you guys!
At least she didn't ask you if you were pregnant when you weren't....that tops just about everything. Or so I've heard.
ReplyDeleteCarry on, my little venter-- No one can build up a nice little rant quite like you! :)
I think it happens to everyone! When I got married the first time (at 18) - Many people thought my cousin Nicole (who was 13) was my daughter. I don't know what it is..... but for some reason? Little old ladies with too much makeup (and usually those straw beach bags with the silly flowers on the outside) have no boundaries or filters....
ReplyDelete