Oh, February

I love February. It's such an upbeat, soft-around-the-edges kind of month. I've been reading one of the best health books I've ever found this month, and starting on V-Day I'm going to be one of the author's soldiers.

Once when I was in the MTC my poor companion called me a soldier. It wasn't meant in a good way. It said, you're heartless and you-have-no-real-feelings kind of way. It was also true. I needed to soften up. And loosen up. A lot. I was a by-the-book, rules are rules kind of girl, who often thought more about principles than people. Not always, but sometimes. I've come a long way since then, thankfully, but in one area I desperately need to get back to that:

DIETING.

You've all seen recent pictures of me. I know what you're thinking but are too nice (or too dumbfounded) to say. "Wow, Shelli has gained a lot of weight." Oh, don't deny it, you know it's true. It's rather tragic. I'm not saying this in a please-lie-to-me-and-tell-me-I-look-the-same-as-ever kind of way. It would be fairly impossible to hide 40 pounds on a five-foot frame, and ridiculous to expect it to go unnoticed. (I just had a little flashback of the story of the emperor and his new clothes ... someone has to call it like it is, right?) I'm trying to be realistic here without throwing my hands up and retreating to my room with a book and a brownie while I pretend my life is in control. Something needs to happen, and it needs to happen NOW.

I've read a lot of books/articles recently about women's health and I've learned so much about stress and hormones and whatnot. I'm sure the last year and a half places me solidly in the "you were too stressed to even live, let alone stay thin" category, but pointing fingers won't help me lose this weight. The fact is we gain weight when we make bad choices, no matter what motivated us to make those choices.

So, if you're not dying of discomfort here (why is she BLOGGING about this? ... that's so embarrassing) I'm going to tell you my plan. If you are just writhing in the pain of social awkwardness you're free to stop reading. But I know it's kind of like a train wreck ... you just have to peek. I understand.

Anyway:

I'm going to get my health back.


So, here are my rules:

1. No white flour.
2. No processed sugar.
3. Drink only water (diet coke, my dear traitorous friend ... I will miss you desperately).
4. Daily vitamins.
5. Daily exercise - weights: MWF; cardio: TTHS
6. Sunday is treat day.
7. Keep a daily record.

Yikes, huh? I know. But here's the thing. I'm one of those people who needs to make drastic goals. It's like a sickness. And I'm kind of in a crisis here, so it might take a crisis to fix it. Some things are too important to do casually, and I'd put health in that category. "Well, don't make yourself miserable." someone might say. Here's the other thing. I'm miserable already! So I'd rather be miserable going in the right direction than in the wrong one. I'd be willing to bet the misery level will decrease as success makes me happy. And I'm going to tap into my inner-soldier to make this happen.

I promise not to bombard you in the future about my health goals, or gush about how it's going. I've made a separate blog for that. But the book I'm reading right now says we should make our goals public as a motivator. I'm already pretty motivated, but as a safe-guard against private self-betrayal I'll let you in on my little plan. Won't it be great if I can honestly report day after day, week after week, that I'm making healthy choices? Yes!

This isn't just about dieting or losing weight, though. It's about making choices that are consistent with what I know to be good and right. I want to summon every ounce of self-control I have and channel it - not just into this goal but into all my personal goals. I want to become who I want to become. And only my choices can get me there.

So, here I go!

P.S. Sorry for the pump-fake post title. I should have warned you, maybe, that this would be a post of questionable appeal to the masses. If you made it all the way to the P.S. part just know that I must love you. :)